I gave this talk last Sunday in Sacrament Meeting. If you are not a member of my Church (LDS) some of the references will be foreign but the stories are still understandable.
Every year I make three New Years Resolutions. They have been the same 3 for over 20 years. Read from the scriptures every day, weigh a certain number of pounds, and don't talk bad about anyone, but by February, I am discouraged. Those who know me very well, Mark for example; know that I really dislike goals. I get upset when there are goal lessons and talks here at Church. It takes me time to debrief and Mark has to listen to my ranting and raving and disappointment that I can't do the goal thing. I went to college during the time management rage and it just about did me in. No offense to those who have made lots of money and those who thrive on setting and achieving goals. I speak to those who struggle like me and maybe there aren't very many of us but we are out there.
Mark's sister loves to have family gatherings where she gives us all a little project or has special programs to teach us. Our family doesn't love these that much and usually ends up joking around and probably hurting Connie's feelings. One year she had us all write our goals for the coming year in categories of Physical, Mental, Emotional and Spiritual. I remember that evening several years ago as I looked at my family trying to think of things to write with their eyes glazed over. I think I remember Mark saying, "watch more TV" in every category but I'm not sure because his page was blank, one of the kids had written; "Go faster" about skiing. One had airplanes drawn all over it and one was folded into an airplane. Patrick was too little to write and Connie had written all of his goals for him. He was still teachable at that point but a few weeks ago I realized that his assimilation was complete when we were driving up to Snowbird and I told him his coach wanted to meet with him to set his goals for the season. Patrick said to me "Why would I want to do that, that is stupid". He didn't meet with his coach but the next week he raced his fastest Giant Slalom ever in Jackson, Wyoming.
One year, my visiting teacher gave me a long list of all the things we need to do that were mentioned in Conference. I just about passed out. There was no way I could do all those things and just reading it depressed me. Sorry Rosie, other than that she is the best visiting teacher in the ward.
Where in the scriptures, do we find the word goal? I haven't found it yet-- of course I haven't looked that hard either. There are lots of other words that sound better to me, seek, conquer, treasure, wisdom, service, obedience, joy, eternal life.
Sometimes it is hard to think of being perfect, but being a little better is like a candle in a dark room, it only takes a little flame to light the room and dispel the darkness.
The Bishop has emphasized this year (at least to the Young Women) that Being good and Being a daughter of God is what is important not just the doing. He even changed the last words to the beloved Primary Song I am a child of God to "Teach me all that I must BE to live with him someday".
In Patrick's bathroom we have the quote from President Hinkley posted. Be grateful, be smart, be clean, be true, be humble, be prayerful.
I think I will change my new years resolutions this year to Be in the scriptures, Be healthy, and Be a good friend and neighbor. I can do those things; I can be better at each of them. They are not a list that I can check off, but they become written on the fleshy tables of my heart and those I can remember.
Once I heard Michael Ballam, an opera singer tell about needing to learn to stick a small magnifying glass down his own throat so he could look at his vocal chords and diagnose his vocal issues. This would save him lots of time and money especially while traveling. He told of deciding to practice doing this for 5 minutes a day with no goal of achieving the feat. In a short time he was successful. I remembered this story when a problem arose with a church calling.
I love the cub scouts and with 4 boys I have done my time with them through the years. One group of especially wonderful boys I got very close to. We had so much fun together. A bike rally was planned for a pack meeting and those boys were so excited. They were all pretty athletic or so I thought. Then I got a phone call from a very worried mom. She had a hard time telling me that her son could not ride a bike and he could not learn to ride a bike either. This was so surprising to me. My son Kevin learned to do this at three years old and I thought it was just a natural part of growing up. I called Danny and told him I would teach him how to ride a bike. He said his parents had been trying to teach him and let him ride around in the garage because they didn't want him to get hurt on the street. His Mom dropped him off one afternoon and he was a sight--brand new bike, full kneepads, elbow pads, helmet, and safety glasses. He was shaking and white at the thought of what we would do. I told his mom to leave and we sat down for a talk. Remembering Michael Ballam's story, I told Danny that we were not going to learn to ride this bike today. Maybe we would never learn to ride that bike but we were going to spend 15 minutes with the bike every afternoon and that was it. We lived on Relation Street down a long private lane that had a very gentle slope, perfect for learning to ride just about anything. He was so stiff and nervous that first day. I held on to the back of his bike and ran up and down the lane with him. I took off some of his padding. I kept telling him he was doing great and that we only needed to do this for 15 minutes and then go home. He came back the next day and the next. He was a slow learner, but he started to loosen up. He started to smile. One day he went by himself a little ways. You would have thought he had flown to the Moon on his own accord. The kid audience grew and shouted encouragement from the lawn. Soon he rode up and down the lane with full confidence. He started showing up without all the protective gear. He started going in and out of little cones and soon he could ride that bike anywhere. His mom thought I was a miracle worker and brought me baskets of goodies and wrote me notes of thanks. I will never forget that pack meeting where all the boys did all the bike feats and were laughing and having so much fun together. Not many there knew about Danny and his struggle, he fit right in. He was paralyzed by the thought of learning to ride a bike but spending 15 minutes a day with the bike was doable.
Some of us are paralyzed by lists of goals and things we need to change about ourselves. The Lord knew this about me and so he instituted the sacrament. I only have to spend a week at a time being better. And if I fall, then I get to repent and start all over. I really like this. I think it is the best part of the plan Heavenly Father and Jesus worked out for us. I really like to think like this. It is positive and affirming to me.
One of my favorite scriptures is Doctrine and Covenants 50:24
"That which is of God is light; and he that receiveth light and continueth in God, receiveth more light and that light groweth brighter and brighter until the perfect day."
As we take the sacrament each week, we grow a little and we get a little better and we get brighter and brighter.
For several years I took Michael Wilcox's institute class. On several occasions I heard him talk about the roles of the Holy Ghost. One of those roles is that of a balance bar like a tightrope walker might use. If the bar tips too much to the right the walker falls off, same if it tips to the left. Listening to the Holy Ghost balances us and helps us to not spend too much time and worry over the things that don't matter. Another favorite scripture of mine is Proverbs 3:5
"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."
Another role of the Holy Ghost is to teach us which of the many commandments we need to pay attention to at any one time. It is not a matter of checking off a list, but a matter of evaluating our progress with the Lord and allowing the Spirit to testify to us what we need to be working on each time we take the sacrament or ask for help.
We must not measure who we are by what we do, but what we do by who we are and we are children of a loving Heavenly Father.
